The Rebirth
by aninfinitecoincidence
Summary: Macy returns to reality after her father's death. Slight Joe/Macy
1. Part I

The morning sun hadn't yet risen and the air was cool and crisp. I exhaled and saw my breath dance before me as I ran a hand lazily through it. I sat on the cold concrete ground over looking the city. Street lamps still glowed, almost like small suns illuminating the nearly empty streets. A silence hung among the roads as my eyes traced the sign above me, advertising a 24-hour mini-mart. I looked away, when a tear unexpectedly made its way down my cheek. Morning dew was beginning to melt and I decided to get up. Taking one last glance, my legs began pumping, carrying me throughout my neighborhood.

If it had been a month ago, I might have fainted at the sight of the red firehouse I passed as I continued my run. But instead, I moved forward without even giving the boys that lived there much of a thought. Then, my jog quickly turned into a run and it was moments like these, moments where I was just so full of the things that hurt the most, that I wished I could run fast enough to fly.

To be honest, I hadn't been at school since my father's death. I hadn't picked up a baseball bat, a volleyball, or even a basketball in a long while. At first my fingers itched to be throwing something, hitting something. But I couldn't go near the fields, it had been _our_ thing; it just hurt too much.

If anything could be seen as good coming out of this situation, it would be that FanGirl Macy really didn't exist anymore. Yeah, JONAS posters covered my walls and memorabilia littered the floors. But that unexplainable thrill I got whenever I stood near one of them, slowly disappeared. This was the first thing I realized when I saw the four of them, Stella and the brothers, upon entering Horace Mantis on my return to reality. I made my way to them where I was met with the solemn face of Kevin Lucas. He smiled at me suddenly, a slow upturn at the corners of his mouth, kind of uneasy and unsure. But because he was Kevin, it was a genuine gesture that reached his eyes. Instead of squealing as usual, I mustered up a small grin because he was trying to make me feel better and honestly, it kind of did. There was an odd, unusual silence among us until something clicked in the youngest brother's mind and his smooth voice broke through my hazy mind.

"Hey Macy, it's really nice to see you back." A slow murmur of agreement around our group registered itself in my brain. No one said anything, probably relieved Nick took it upon himself to greet me. "Yeah, it's nice to be out of my house. It's, it's good to be back." My voice really couldn't have been much above a whisper, but they all heard me. A look passed between the curly haired boy and Stella. I heard her intake of breath and she turned toward me. "So Mace, Van Dyke is having this party on Friday. And well, we all thought it'd be a good way to get your mind off..certain things." I looked at her, my lip quivered at the mention of it, but I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore. I opened my mouth, unsure of what to say, but Stella beat me to it. "But if it's too soon, then don't even worry about it, hun. Take however long you need okay. Just know we're all here for you."

Just as my best friend finished, the bell rang and with final smiles from everyone, we parted ways. I stood there, still unsure of what to make of this offer, because it _was_ too soon, right?

My feet hit the pavement as I walked to my car after school and I pushed my dark glasses further up my face. My hands dug themselves into my pockets as my mind raced. It had been two weeks since "the incident" and I could still feel the hole in my heart as apparent as it had been the first day. My mother's emotionless face retelling me the news played itself inside my head. It was usually about this time that my vision blurred and a lump began forming in my throat. I quickly entered my car, pulled out the mirror in the visor above me, and looked at myself. I saw a blank face, skin so pale and ashen, blood shot eyes. My hands started shaking and I suppressed the shriek of frustration that was building in my chest. It shouldn't be this hard. But I knew how big of a lie that was.

My father was my everything. My best friend, my protector.

He was in a better place though. And I know it's selfish, but I wanted that "better place" to be here with me. Stupid _drunk_ drivers.

Silently fuming and clenching my steering wheel, a small rap at my window knocked me out of my mind. Turning I was met with the bright eyes of Joe Lucas who wore an easy smile. He pointed his finger down signaling me to roll down the glass that separated us. Once I did, he still hadn't said anything so I began our conversation.

"Hey Joe." My voice seemed to bring him to life and he let out a airy laugh. "Hey Mace. Sooo, about earlier, are you gonna go to this party?"

Of all the things I thought he would say to me, this wasn't it. And I hadn't really thought about the answer to this question. But now here it was, staring at me right in the face. And I know my dad, he'd want me to be happy and move on. But what if it was too soon, what if happiness for me was curling up in his too big sweatshirts and watching old home movies. I wanted to say yes, I really really did. But I couldn't. There was something inside me that just wouldn't let me agree to this.

I was about to tell Joe no, in fact my mouth had already formed itself around the word. But meeting his expectant, hazel eyes and inviting grin, I really couldn't say it.

"Yeah Joe, I will. I think it'll be fun." His smile grew, fully encompassing his face and left with nothing but a "great."

Hopefully it would be.


	2. Part II

The music was too loud. The beats and voices around me were rolling and pounding inside my brain. I came alone, despite offers from Stella and the Lucas boys to drive me. I'd been there for maybe 10 minutes when the drink in my hand felt warm and I was pretty sure the people around me were drunk, or high- maybe both. Just when I was about to turn and leave, I saw the wispy red hair of my friend from softball, Rose. She was hopping towards me, all clumsy and arms flailing. When she reached me, she grabbed my shoulder, lips pouty and pursed. She opened her mouth, her blue tank top strap sliding down her shoulder.

"MacyNoelleMisa!" Her words slurred and blended together, but she continued to speak. "Oh my god. I haven't seen you in so, so long. Wow! This is pretty insaaane!" I stared at her for a minute before responding, "Actually Rose, we saw each other at my dad's...nevermind." It took her a moment to form her answer, but eventually she did. "Well, since you're here, we should tot-"

Her speech stopped, I swear she turned green. Her eyes grew wide, my eyes grew wide and she slowly turned her head to the side. Still grasping my shoulders, she emptied the contents of whatever was in her stomach on the floor beside us. Side-stepping the mess, I was about to tell her how messed up this was, but when I my eyes met hers, my words got caught in my throat. Her troubled face looked so lost and tired, and something stirred in my stomach. I took in a breath and put my arm around her shaking shoulders. " Rose, let's go get you cleaned up." She didn't even raise her head to look at me, all she could do was nod.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I ran my hands down my front side, a feeble attempt to wipe away the last 20 minutes. It had been a struggle just to get to the bathroom. But then, with Rose drunk and crying, it was harder to get her to calm down and let me clean her up. Finally though, I got her to relax and then someone began banging their fist against the door. To say that this seemingly easy task was going to be, well easy, was an understatement. Maybe I just wasn't used to drunk people.

Needing fresh air, I made my way out to the patio when I finally spotted the familiar faces I'd been searching for all night. Stella seemed to notice me too, because her face lit up and she frantically waved her hands, motioning for me to join them.

"Macy, I'm so glad you ca-wait. Why do you smell so..icky." A small chuckle escaped my lips. "Don't even ask Stell." She wrapped her arms around me and encompassed me in a long hug that I didn't know I needed until know. We separated and joined the boys, who were sitting and talking with some people I recognized from school. Joe spotted me first and pat his hand on the empty space next to him. Kind of surprised, I made my way over and he sat uncharacteristically close to me. After greetings from his brothers, I let the lively chatter around us wash over me. I let it fill my ears and listened to the voices and laughter. I think I heard myself speak a few times, though I didn't really know what I was saying. Some while later, still feeling the warmth of the boy next to me, I felt a husky voice near my ear. I nearly jumped at the sound of Joe's laughter, and I felt this sort of explosion in the pit of my stomach. Something reminiscent of butterflies. "Macy, did you maybe wanna go for a walk?" I turned to him, a smile finding it's way onto my face.

"Yeah Joe, I think I'd like that."

Out in the cold air, the boy next to me silent and watching the sky, I began to think. About my dad. My lonely mother. My sad life and how I've been feeling so empty lately. A sigh escaped the mouth next to me, breaking my thoughts. I turned my head, finding Joe already looking at me.

"I'm sorry."

"Joe, don't. Please." He'd been the only one to treat me normally. Treat me as if nothing happened, and I don't think he realized how much I appreciated it.

"No Mace. Let me." I made no sound to stop him, he sat up and I followed suit. He lay his arm around my shoulders and continued. "I know how you feel. My grandma, she died a while back and I get it. I don't want you to think I've been treating you as if everything was normal as a way to blow off what happened. But when I was going through it, I had this one friend who did the same thing. He'd make me laugh and goof off and it made me happy. Forget for a while. I just hoped I could do that for you."

I think it might have been that moment, those words coming out of his mouth, when I fell a little bit in love. "Joe, you have no idea how much I've appreciated it. Really, I...thank you, so much."

We smiled at each other and I hugged him, simply because I felt like it.

Laying down beside each other, not quite touching, but hands colliding every so often, Joe and I looked at the starry sky, pointing out constellations and spotting shooting stars that really just turned out to be satellites. A comfortable silence had settled between us when I felt that slight shift in my stomach again. Those butterflies once again made their presence know, wings spreading and fluttering. My nervous hands began pulling at the grass beneath me. To quell my anxiousness I spoke.

"Do you ever think that maybe, there's something beyond the lives me live. That when we die, we go somewhere else. I mean that can't be the end right? Six feet under, buried in the cold ground, alone. That just can't be it."

Mental images played in my head, fast and blurry, I had to catch my breath.

"I really hope there is Macy. Heaven, God. They have to exist. It's what I've always known, what I believe in. And if there isn't, I think that would just...suck. Because why are we here then? To what, just live and die and have our souls go nowhere. No, there's such thing as Heaven and God, Macy. It's where your dad is. My grandma. You have to believe that. I have to believe that."

"I do Joe, I believe it. I really do."

I don't know how long we stayed there. Talking and laughing. Staring and wondering. We never went back to the party. Our phones lay above us. They'd vibrated earlier, for a long time, but eventually that stopped. And at some point, Joe and I, our fingers had reached out for each other. Lacing together, entwined and just holding on. Something I can only describe as peace and comfort, love and appreciation filled me. This heaviness and half way guilt disappeared. I felt lighter and free. I felt okay. My fingers curled tighter around Joe's and he squeezed back comfortingly.

I think I fell asleep that night with laughter ringing through my ears and I dreamt of a Phoenix. Burning brilliantly, he soared through the sky seeming to be on fire. Moving his wings fast and sure, the bird gracefully cut through the clouds with the strength one can only carry in the aftermath of a rebirth.


End file.
